Conversation with Loved One

RJ "When Your Loved One Needs More Then You Can Give"

Ron Joy Rehabilitation Center &

Skilled Nursing Facility

Home Page Services Therapy Contact Us FAQ's Privacy Notice

Conversation with Loved One

A Conversation with your Loved One

Sometimes people have the opportunity to prepare in advance for someone's declining health. Other times people delay putting anything into action because they seem certain that they have more time. Even if you think you have adequately prepared yourself to care for a loved one, the reality of the situation may absolutely overwhelm you when it happens. All of a sudden there are so many things to consider like the persons medical history, personality and financial resources. The list certainly seems endless. Before you become completely overwhelmed with this responsibility, we have some very important suggestions for you to consider.

Collect your thoughts. You may think that this is impossible to do, but it is imperative that you learn how to take care of yourself so you can take care of your loved one. Stop and learn how to help yourself first. This is the most important advice anyone could give you.

Solicit help from rest of your family. Get as many of your family members involved as soon as possible. The earlier you get everyone involved, the better off you will be. Develop a game plan to research your loved ones medical condition. Perhaps you can even get different individuals to contact different associations and organizations for information about your loved ones medical condition.

Be prepared. Expect your family discussion to be filled with lots of emotion. Give EVERYONE the opportunity to express how he or she feels. Do not be too anxious to cut them off by saying that this is the best decision for everyone involved. It is quiet possible that your loved one will be absolutely devastated at the mere suggestion of moving out so let him/her vent their frustrations. Once everyone has vented his/her frustrations, emphasize that his/her special needs will be much better met somewhere else. Most importantly, make certain everyone knows that you are committed to making certain that your loved one will always be treated with love, dignity and respect.

Determine your loved ones needs. Again, learn as much as you can about your loved ones medical condition and his/her specific lifestyle limitations. Does your loved one just need an adult day care or would his/her needs be better met with an assisted living residence? If this situation is only a short-term crisis, start obtaining information about different local facilities now. The sooner you get started, the better off you will be.

If your loved one is still mentally competent, you cannot force him/her into a home. Understand this concept before you say anything to your loved one. If he/she refuses help and/or needed services, and he/she is still mentally competent, there is nothing you can do. Even if you and your family feel your loved one is not safe at home you will not be able to do anything without going through legal channels to declare them medically incompetent. Basically speaking, your loved one has the right to make what you may consider as a bad decision. Knowing this, you must appreciate how important your life-changing conversation with he/she will be.

Research health insurance and financial matters. The financial aspects of someone's long term care can be very, very complicated. Do they have a pension, a long-term care policy or a pension or retirement plan? Does he/she qualify for Medicare or Medicaid? Does he/she have any assets, stocks and bonds, social security income, etc.? Start investigating this as soon as possible so you completely understand what you are dealing with.

Keep your loved ones personal data handy. Before you know it, you will be asked to provide your loved ones date of birth, social security number, and any other pertinent numbers. Try to get his/her complete health history, copies of health insurance policies and health insurance cards, phone numbers of the seniors doctors and pharmacist, list of medications and instructions and the dates and results of the seniors last doctors visit. Keep this information handy and make copies for other family members. Make sure everyone involved knows where to obtain specific information like financial and legal documents. If applicable, make sure your family has keys to his/her house.

Communicate with as many people as possible. Talk to your loved one and encourage them to offer as much input into the various decision-making processes as they are capable of making. It is imperative that they remain as independent as he/she possible can. Talk to anyone who has any experience caring for a loved one. Talk to as many medical professionals that have experience dealing with your loved ones condition.

Offer a choice. Perhaps you have done all the needed legwork and you have the luxury of choosing between two different facilities. Perhaps you are very, very comfortable with just one of the facilities that you investigated. Either way, figure a way to offer a choice to your loved one. If you have already made the definitive decision on where he/she should be moving, maybe you can arrange a choice between a room overlooking the courtyard or the room closest to the nursing station, for instance. Do you homework and be able to offer some choices to give your loved one an opportunity to be involved in some of the decision. Remember, in his/her mind they are incredibly overwhelmed with the thought of losing all their independence so your ability to keep them involved is very important.

Keep a positive attitude. By the time you have this conversation with your loved one, you will have investigated all the benefits of this difficult move. Please understand and accept, however that you can talk and talk and talk until you are blue in the face and you still might feel like you are in a no-win situation. Fight those feelings of guilt. Know in your heart that you are making the best possible long-term decision for your loved one. Always be conscious about your attitude and make every possible effort to convey confidence in your decisions. Expect some resistance and do not forget to give your loved one the opportunity to express his/her frustrations. Keep a positive attitude and try to be as strong as you can.

Don't feel guilty about your decision. Sometimes family members are unable to provide the required care their loved one needs. Sometimes it may be better for your loved one to be with people their own age. You may be a working child or spouse and unable to be with your loved one to provide the care they need. It is much safer for them to be in a assisted living facility or a skilled nursing facility where their needs can be met. You need to do what if best for your loved one. Keeping them safe and making sure they get the services they need.

We will be pleased to accept your collect call if you are calling for information about admissions.

Telephone: (330) 758-8106
FAX: (330) 758-7030
Postal address

Last modified: 05/19/10